Stop Obeying "The Rules"

A Manifesto of Sorts to the Sisters of a "Certain Age"

A few days ago, I posted a video on TikTok about the five pillars of aging well.

Nothing terribly revolutionary, honestly. I talked about protein, weight training, collagen, HRT, sleep, the things that actually moved the needle for me.

The video took off.

At this point it has hundreds of thousands of views, thousands of saves, shares, and brought in a flood of new followers. Women are Stitching it, reposting it, sharing it with friends. Clearly something hit a nerve.

But then something funny happened.

A woman made a comment about…my appearance.

“Long hair pulls aging faces.”

Now first of all, what an oddly specific thing to take the time out of your day to make a comment on a perfect stranger’s video that was meant to help and empower women my age.

But the purpose of the video isn’t the point, it’s that ridiculous comment.

At this juncture in my life, I have officially reached the age and stage where I simply do not care anymore what anyone thinks. #ZFG

My tolerance for crap like that went out the window, well before the collagen started to leave my face.

So I Stitched the comment (that’s TikTok jargon for I posted her comment and made a video about it) and I’m sharing it with you here.

I did not eviscerate her, I simply calmly and very directly let her know I was having none of it. I essentially said, “If long hair is deeply upsetting to you, I suppose that’s something you’ll have to work through.” With a side of a snark of course.

And apparently the internet had been WAITING for this moment.

Women absolutely descended into the comments section like it was a gladiator match at the (post) menopause games.

Thousands of comments. Women defending long hair. Women talking about not cutting theirs because they were told they “had to.” Women my age (and older!) showing pics of their longhaired selves and declaring war!

The hair isn’t really the point, of course.

The point is women are tired of being micro-managed by a culture that is run for and by, Youth, capital Y.

We don’t worship at the Altar of Youth, nor are we deluded enough to believe we can stop time. Why does the world act like it’s criminal to age? That there’s cut off (pun intended) for having long hair or wearing short skirts, for example?

May I suggest, if I may be so bold as to speak for the collective, that we are done with it?

I sure as hell am! And I’m pretty sure you are, too.

We are tired of being told what’s acceptable once we hit a “certain age.” Cut your hair, it’s pulling down your aging face. Women that age shouldn’t wear _____. Tone it down, don’t be too loud. And my very favorite, “you’re trying too hard.”

Please.

In other words, do us all a favor and stop taking up so much space in this youth-filled world. What we’d like is for you to “age gracefully” and go play with the grandkids.

Um, ma’am? No thank you.

Listen, I’m not trying to become 27 again or even 57 for crying out loud.

I don’t want to try and fool the world with filters, injectables or a grand rearranging of my face via surgery. I’m not interested in pretending time hasn’t passed.

OMG, time HAS passed, I’ve lived a whole life.

But that’s where the wisdom is, that’s the depth of experience and the texture of a life well lived (mostly).

Somewhere along the line, women were handed a ridiculous set of expiration dates that we (somehow) got saddled with AND accepted as dogma from On High.

At 50, you need to stop wearing red lipstick. At 60, you need to cut your hair. So what’s next, at 70, don’t even bother?

Who benefits from women complying to these fake rules?

Because I look around and I see women my age (and older) who are still vibrant, intelligent, sensual, funny, creative, ambitious and alive. In my world, in my community, we do not disappear into the wallpaper, nor do we put up with such nonsense.

We call it out, babe.

Look, we get it. We’re older, things are different now so we’re navigating this landscape armed with the research we’re taking the time to do, the gym time we’re willing to put effort into and investing in relationships that light us up.

We want strength, energy and muscles to get ourselves up and out the door, not just off the toilet.

We want sharp minds and healthy skin and a body that can still move through the world and get us where we want to go, not sitting around waiting for someone to wheel us into bingo.

We want joy and purpose.

And yes, we’ll grow long hair if we damn well please. Or shave it off! Our hair/our choice.

What’s been fascinating with this whole video thing is realizing this conversation is touching something much deeper than the notion of what constitutes “beauty”.

I believe it’s the hunger for permission to be fully who you are without fear of any repercussions.

And if the hunger for permission is what’s at the very base of all of this, may I just write one out for you? LMK–I’m here for you xo

So to hell with the rules! To hell with the naysayers and asshats who believe it’s their duty to call you out because you dare to show up being “old”.

Sisters, are you with me?

I’m so tired of this narrative. I’m tired of the garbage dished out (and so often by other women!!) as to what I (and my fellow rebel women) “should” be doing.

And maybe that’s part of aging well, too? That you stop the people pleasing and nice girl BS and stop caring that you might hurt someone’s feelings by telling them where to get off?

You’ve heard it said before: it’s time to start living fully and unapologetically. That is the goal at this age.

So let’s damn well do it–ZFG.

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